Saturday, 18 Dec 2021

 

Not a fan of how I look or live. At the rate that I'm going, I'm going to fulfill the stereotype of fat, old, spinster cat lady, which - for someone with gender dysphoria, is shit. I want to look and live like the guys I am attracted to and admire. That's my big NFA why. 

Saturday, 11 Dec 2021

 

Another night of no cats in the bedroom. This is going to be my standard. 

Practiced in the bathroom while doing by business. Better than watching Youtube shorts. 

Dog appreciated having a mashed boiled egg with his dry food. He finished his plate for the first time in... ever. Note for future feedings. 

Breakfast. 

Laundry is taking longer to dry now that it's colder. Going to start putting it in front of the heater during the day. 

It's going slow but the laundry pile is getting smaller. 

Mopped the cat room. Love the smell of cleanliness. Too bad it doesn't last. 

Finally sat my ass to work on figuring out where I'm at financially. The right word is "fucked". Must start making money. 

Walked the midget kitten over to the vet so see why she's not growing and her stomach is always bloated. I suspected worms. Left her there to get an X-ray. 

Walked to parents' to have a real meal. It was good. My grocery bills will be less painful because of them. 

Picked up kitten from the vet's. It wasn't worms. It's "wet" Feline Infectious Peritonitis (FIP). It's fatal, can't be treated, and she's basically being liquified from within. She won't live long. I have to tell O, since she's who found her and is footing the bills. But O's dad is dying in hospital right now. When is a good time to tell someone who's dad is dying that one of their kittens is also dying? And that they owe me 35 bucks for the vet bills? (I'm broke, I can't afford to be generous.)

Kitten's news bummed me out. Retreated to vegetating in bed and gaming. Trying to adjust my view on the situation so it's not so depressing. I hate losing pets, and I hate having to put them down. Such a betrayal of the pet's trust. 

Despite walking a million miles (felt like), I only managed to get 6k steps in today. 

Friday, 10 Dec 2021

Woke up even later than usual because I didn't set the alarm and didn't let the cats sleep in my room. Best, uninterrupted sleep I'd ever had. 

Dog appreciated the lack of feline presence. 

Used the peaceful lounging-in-bed time to do a quick Duo Lingo lesson. 

Made the mistake of opening the bedroom door to let the monsters in before I'd used the toilet. They followed me into the bathroom before I could shut them out. Lesson learned. 

Need to start adding something more appetizing to Dog's dry food; he hates it as is. 

Weather was great today. Too bad I didn't wake up earlier to make the most of it or go for a walk. 

Not sure when Dog's going to stop pissing where the other dog used to sleep. I've cleaned the area with Clorox a million times already. 

Breakfast was a lazy egg sandwich and coffee with a side of Joe Rogan. 

Followed by a lazy couple of hours of gaming and listening to Youtube talks. 

Finally got ass out of bed at 3PM. Talk about a day wasted. 

Planned on finishing Dreamlining, but ended up just making a master list of all my to-dos while waiting for my new load of laundry to finish its cycle. 

By 6PM, I'd given up on today being any sort of useful. So watched that documentary on the Friends reunion and worked on S's birthday gift, followed by vids on Psychedelics. 

Plot twist: Sis passed by and we visited parents. I didn't bother changing out of my pajamas. Wasn't in the best mental state, but I got a real meal out of it and some quality time with the niece, so, success. 

Wish I'd cleaned the cat room in the morning. Not going to bother now, despite the stink. Going to kick the monsters out of my room for another night of uninterrupted sleep and will tackle the mess in the morning. 

Now that I'm actually documenting my activities, this isn't the kind of day I want to have. Keeping this in mind moving forward. 

Thursday, 9 Dec 2021

 Set alarm for 8AM, but woke up late because discipline isn't my thing. 

What really got me out of bed was these guys trying to eat my face. 

My dog left me a surprise a "fuck you" in the bathroom. Should have let him out when he scratched at the door last night.

Opted to use the guest bathroom. Opening my bedroom door resulted in the usual inward stampede. 

Went through morning routine. Day was cold and overcast. 

I'm going to make myself a real breakfast one day. Until then, had sad melted cheese sandwiches. 

Helped nephew with preparing his CV and cover letter. #RoleModel #LookAtMeBeingAnAdult

Turns out my washing machine wasn't broken and there was no reason to wait all week for the maintenance guy. Put in a load. It didn't make much of a dent in the pile.

Started on cleaning the cat room and when I came back found this idiot drinking Clorox-laced water out of the bucket. Some cats just aren't meant to live long. 

Cleaned my bathroom floor. Got rid of all the shit and piss in the cat room. Washed the litter boxes and refilled them with fresh litter. Mopped all the piss spots my dog decided to passive-aggressively plant in the living room everywhere that the dog who'd been boarding with me had sat. The cleanliness was beautiful while it lasted, which was 30 minutes. 

Shaved head then showered. 

Washed a week's worth of dirty dishes. Wish I could blame it on a broken dishwasher, but I don't have one; I'm just a slob. 

Had lunch (more cheese sandwiches), called parents to check on dad's test results. No cancer. Relieved. Put up the laundry to dry and tidied the apartment in preparation for the kittens' mom to come get her cage. Had a snack and watched a movie. 

The kittens' mom came with a friend, hung out for 15 minutes and then left. I set up my online bill payment account and paid my two-month water and electricity bills. Been procrastinating on this for, well, two months. Proud of myself for finally doing it. 

Gamed for a few hours. Dinner was a cancerous bowl of instant noodles. Will cook tomorrow. 

It's 9PM now. Going to entertain myself then go to sleep by 11PM.